Work Life Balance. I've heard of it.

I'm not blogging, honest. In fact, I’m not working. It’s after midnight and that would be sad, wouldn’t it? Except, obviously, I am working.

Flea, my 2 year old, is at home this week with chicken pox. Which means I’ve had to put a couple of features, a news story and a bylined article on hold. And I’m completely in denial about the fact I’ve just taken on my first PR client.

We all talk a lot about work/life balance and how technology enables us to work smarter and more efficiently from anywhere in the world. I wish I could work out how to make technology do what I want it to do.

At 3pm today I was on a conference call with two very nice Americans, discussing the issue of diversity in the workplace. The only teeny snag was that I had a wailing, spotty toddler attached to my neck, and a friend trying to tempt her into the dining room using top-notch toddler bait (a Fifi and the Flowertots comic and biscuits - we'd brought out the big guns).  It wasn't a resounding success, and much of the call was spent with me asking the executives to repeat information I hadn't been able to hear over the mini foghorn in the next room.

Fortunately, one of the Americans on the call has his own 2 year old, and we commiserated on toddler illnesses, and still covered what we needed to in the call. But it was stressful, and I'm sure I wasn't concentrating as well as I should.

I do wonder sometimes whether all this flexible working and remote access technology actually helps workers – or whether it sometimes just increases the stress involved in getting the job done in stupid circumstances. I know lots of readers of this blog work from home, or work remotely from their offices – what advice do you have on maintaining a semblance of work/life balance? Can it be done?

Comments

[Carole Scott]

I'm not convinced it can. As an example, I got back from a seminar in London at 9.30 last night, having had only canapes to eat. The seminar was on the use of technologies such as Twitter in PR campaigns and it finally, finally, convinced me that I need to get wise to it for my clients, if not for personal use (Facebook is plenty thanks!). So, what did I do when I got home? Made a cuppa, made a phone call to sort out my Friday night and then created my Twitter work account, decided which few to follow to start and sorted out my profile. I then wrote a huge 'to do' list relating possible Twitter uses to each of my clients. By the time I had finished, I still hadn't had supper, it was gone 11 and I was exhausted.

As journalists or PROs, we operate in a world that never sleeps and so I suspect that the elusive w/l balance will always be a struggle! Urgh, sorry, that's not much consolation.

On the bright side, we have stimulating jobs where we deal with an incredible range of people, working on a fascinating rosta of issues.

[PJ White]

It is very, very hard. I admire - and sympathise with - what you are doing.

The heart of it for me is that work requires one set of skills, habits and attitudes. Parenting requires another set. There is some crossover, but mainly the modes are incompatible with each other. It is wonderful, enriching and a privilege to have both. Either just on its own would be limiting. Yet crossing over between one and the other puts a strain on the system. A terrific strain, that I think is rarely properly identified and appreciated. Not properly switching - that is, trying to do one while your mind is on the other - is exhausting and unrewarding and leads to low spirits and a profound sense of failure.

Mentally unfocusing from work, so that you can be available, open and fully engaged with family is not normally a switch you can flick on and off. Likewise, getting into your work mode after a session of parenting is not instant. The coping strategy for me is about handling those interfaces. It means making the switch as efficient as possible, and acknowledging that it is hard and wearying.

My top tips would be:

1. Be zen. Relaxation & meditation can help in general terms. Equally important is learning to live in the moment. Among other things, that means not trying to sort the next two problems on your horizon while working on the current one.

2. Do practical things to help the switch from one mode to another. For example, playing a musical instrument to mark the end of a work session. It can be very quick to practise a few scales, or something, but makes a big difference. Likewise, plan operations that you know can help you leave home and back into work mode.

3. Keep the boundaries hard edged and defined. Don't talk work in family times and don't think family in work time. Yes, you might have to move between modes many times a day. Many times an hour - when things are really bad. But never try to do both at once. David Allen is right when he says the skill is not multitasking. It is rapid refocusing.

4. Never get defensive or apologetic about children and home with work contacts. Don't even mention them. As a freelance you owe no one an explanation. You have to be courteous and respectful about commitments you make and then have to reschedule. But so does everyone in business life. "I've been called to an urgent meeting and can't phone you when we said - can we reschedule?" is fine. You don't have to say the meeting is a friend's child's birthday party or an outbreak of biting at the nursery.

5. Learn to make quick decisions about when to shut down the office temporarily. If your child was in hospital, you'd not try to work. You'd just let everyone know so they can rescramble their work. Perhaps a bout of chicken pox is closer to a hospital stay? It's your choice, but my guess is that there is a pressure to soldier on, when giving up would be a better option.

6 Find time (ha!) for your own rest and recreation. Work is good. Family is good. But you also need time when you are not doing either. Yeah, I know, I know. But anything you can do is worthwhile. And if you don't get it, recognise the pressures you are under as a major drain on your personal resources, not any failure of your own.

[bridget]

Oh, poor little mite!

Personally, I think work/life balance is a myth when you work from home because the two inevitably clash, for me anyway. I'm forever trying to do interviews over the noise of my two boys, and then getting calls on my mobile during the school run.

Just take it easy and be ruthless in finding time for yourself would be my advice.

Take care.

[Sally Whittle]

@Carole – You’re right, we definitely work in an industry where the old 9 to 5 rules don’t apply, as we’re often working flexibly, and time zones mean that my 9 to 5 isn’t necessarily the same as the people I’m working with. And yes, overall, I’d still choose this job over many others.

@PJ – That’s really lovely, thoughtful advice. Thankyou. You’re absolutely right trying to wear two hats means you end up doing a half-arsed job twice as often. My daughter has already perfected the art of holding the phone between her ear and shoulder, putting a finger on her lips and whispering “I’m just on the phone, one minute please”.

I like the tip of being more rigid about dividing the activities, and having a ritual to separate work and parent time. Actually, I’m learning the guitar at the moment and I could use the extra practice so I’m going to give that one a try.

[Danny Bradbury]

Hi Sally. Sorry to hear about your little one. We're a sick house this week too - we've both got it, including our two and four year-olds.

Generally, I'd say that kids and work are totally incompatible. Whenever I'm looking after the kids during the day I focus only on that. There's no way I can do interviews or write when I"m with them, unless I stick them in front of the TV, and that's not a sustainable or desirable solution. Trying to do interviews with toddlers around just drives everyone to distraction. I just read them Beatrix Potter instead.

I'm going to promote the virtual assistant thing again - I'm finding it really helpful, not least because when emergencies come up, I can Skype one person and say 'I can't work today. Something came up. Make everything ok.' And she'll make all the apologies and rearrange everything invisibly, while I get to look after the 'life' stuff. That happened a lot this week when Sue got sick and I unexpectedly had to look after her and the sprogs, and then later, when I came down with it and couldn't face any phone calls.

In more general terms, when it comes to work/life balance, I'd say:

1) Get an office (or a room at home with a lockable door dedicated only to work). When you're done working, leave it, and don't go back there.

2) Have separate business and personal lines. I can't believe that I spent the first three years of freelance life learning the hard way (by having people on the west coast calling me at 11pm at night).

3) Don't buy a BlackBerry. I never understood the attraction of people mixing work into their personal time and making themselves a candidate for constant attention deficit disorder.

Also, if it's a real emergency, I see nothing wrong with decaying gracefully to email interviews and doing them when the kids are tucked up in bed at night. It's not ideal, but sometimes if you're on a tight deadline and you know that it will be a problem for the editor if you delay your deadline, then switching to asynchronous working mode can help to navigate a challenging situation.

Good luck with Flea, I hope she feels better soon!

[Sherrilynne Starkie]

I spent my children's whole childhoods trying to balance and never got it quite right. Now the girls are grown up and gone. I miss them and regret how much time I spent at work when they were young. I deffo should have spent more time baking cookies. My advice...work less now. There are more than enough hours in the day when the kids are grown and the house is empty.

[Sally Whittle]

@Danny - I've actually been looking into a virtual asssitant to handle invoice chasing and think this would be the perfect time to have someone scheduling calls - I'm trying to co-ordinate about 20 calls in four or five time zones at the moment. How did you find yours?

@ Sherrilynne - You’re absolutely right. I’m so lucky Flea only goes to nursery three afternoons each week, but it does mean squashing work into those few hours (or late nights) and, as a single parent, there’s not much slack in the system – it just takes one dose of the pox to throw us both into complete chaos! But I regularly thank my lucky stars I don’t have a job that means schlepping into an office for eight hours a day.

[Sally Whittle]

Oh, and Danny, I meant to add - I learned the second line rule a few years back myself and seriously I cannot believe any freelancer doesn't think it's worth £10 a month to know you're not going to have to answer work calls when you're not working. Hope you're all recovering, too!

[Kim]

Well, lots of good advice from everyone, though all this stuff is easier said than done, I guess.

I think I'd take PJ up on his fourth point, though. Not that I'd recommend getting apologetic or defensive. But I do make a point of drumming into PRs that I leave at 3pm every day to do the school run, and if I do have to cancel something because my daughter's sick or whatever, I will be truthful about the reason. I think it's really good for other people to know that your family comes first, because I hope that it gets across to them that we all need a work-life balance. This is because, like Sally, I interview a lot of business people and if it helps get the message across about family-friendly working, then all well and good. Also, like Sally, I've found that most of the business people I interview have children and are immediately sympathetic, so it breaks the ice.

[Linda]

Hi Sally,

Oh yes the joy of the conference calls when there's a poorly child in the background, I hope this raises a smile:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2007/apr/26/comment.guardianweeklytechnologysection

But seriously, the best advice as PJ says is to keep home and work in your thinking at least, as separate as possible.

I know my girls are a lot older than Flea now, but I would say the biggest lesson I have learned is that everything starts with you - (well, duh, yeah sorry) - you must not ever judge yourself against some ideal of how you think other people think you should be doing...(eh? I hope that makes sense...) there are only so many hours in the day and only so much money needed to be made. You have to take time for yourself somewhere, how are you at doing that?

I used the services of a virtual secretary for a while and it didn't turn out great, so make sure you get the right one - make them understand from day one what your business is and how important words are in it - yes I know that sounds ridiculous - but the VA that I turned to used to get her mum and boyfriend to also answer the phone and they thought I ran a printing company. I remember a very important client ringing by the name of Andrew and being told "Andy" had called, but that was nothing to getting the message that a man had called when it was a woman. (I did work with some transvestites but that's another story...)

If you have too much work, somewhere along the line there are decisions to be made as to whether you continue to work at that pace or find other people to join you and be more flexible in your working hours as Flea gets older.

I used to have a boss who felt that having kids was "unprofessional" - as she had a daughter of her own, I was very saddened by this.

Better go, I have a chicken to cook and a feature to write...no change there then. Where are the doughnuts?

[Sally Whittle]

@Kim - I agree, it can break the ice but I would still prefer not to have to mention the offspring at all if I can help it!

@Linda - nice column, made me laugh as a conference call veteran. Also, I am definitely planning some time out for myself. Probably around 2010 when Flea starts school. Ah, still wouldn't swap her for all the massages and lie-ins in the world, obviously.

[matt]

Hi Sally -
I believe I can help you on your HR story, especially about what older workers bring to the table from a communications and messaging standpoint. Please feel free to email or call -- 609.681.5044.

[matt]

Hi Sally -
I believe I can help you on your HR story, especially about what older workers bring to the table from a communications and messaging standpoint. Please feel free to email or call -- 609.681.5044.