Talking head or living dead?

I don't have exact figures to hand but I would estimate that most journalists spend approximately 100 percent* of their waking hours searching for decent experts to interview for various features and news stories.

Today I spotted a request on a media forum from a journalist looking for an expert commentator on primary school education. A fellow journalist offered the name of an author in the space, only for another colleague to chip in with: "Don't bother. She's useless. Try XXX instead, super friendly and really on the ball."

The lesson? If you have a spokesperson who hasn't been trained in how to speak to the press, it's not just the interviews they're doing that are wasted opportunities - it's also all the features they'll never be asked to help with, because journalists actually do tell each other about good and bad interview prospects.

Of course, the best solution is to invest in some media training for anyone involved in talking to the press. However, if you don't have budget available for that sort of thing, what are some of the fastest ways to be a "useless" interviewee?

1. Talk fast. Most journalists rely on shorthand or written notes, and it's always fun trying to quote someone later when you only managed to write down every third word they uttered.
2. Don't worry about using jargons and clever bits of terminology. They make you sound clever.
3. If you're not sure about precise figures, percentages, ages or names, just give it your best guess. So long as it's almost right, that should be fine.
4. If a journalist doesn't ask about your new product or initiative, mention it in every answer you give just to be sure you're getting the "message" across.

* Not true. Just feels true.