Getting Ink

I hate half-term

I'm taking a week off blogging because:

- I have four feature deadlines, a book deadline and a deadline for a white paper.
- I have a cold.
- I have a three year old. And her pre-school is closed for half-term.

But I'll just share two little snippets of advice for my PR readers, if I may. Do check carefully what your client does before arranging an interview, or you'll find yourself in situations like this:

Sally: So, the feature I'm writing is about information management, looking at structured and unstructured data...
Client: Well, of course, what we do isn't really about structured or unstructured data.
Sally: Really?
Client: No, we do something quite different, let me explain...

Second, if your client has paid HUGE amounts of cash for advertorial in a national newspaper, don't send emails to the journalist writing the aforementioned advertorial saying things like:

"Hi Sally, sorry XXX won't be able to provide a spokesperson for this article, but please do let us know the next time you're covering XXX in XXX and we'll try to help out."

The Sky is Falling!

There are lots of upsides to being a journalist: the great salary, the job security, the high standing journalists enjoy in the wider community...

But being a hack at the moment is especially depressing. While the rest of the country is getting used to the idea that economic growth has stalled and we’re on the verge of entering a recession, the hacks I talk to are way ahead of the crowd.

A debate on Journobiz today included predictions that the global economic model (free market capitalism) is on its way out, a shift in global political power to the East, a global depression lasting a decade or more, a massive rise in Fascism in Europe and the US, followed by – apparently – a new World War. The upside, apparently, is those of us under 40 will have the chance to re-experience the 60s, in 2040 or so.

It’s the sort of conversation you might hear in your local pub or at any London dinner party these days – but these are journalists, and I find it all pretty worrying. These guys aren’t economists. They didn’t spend time at LSE studying financial models. Most of them have Arts degrees.

The problem is that rather than pontificating over a dinner table in Putney, these guys are writing newspaper and magazine articles about business. The questions they ask, the interviews they run, the headlines, sells and captions they choose? They’re all framed to a large extent by their personal view of the world, and coloured by the need to have a ‘strong’ story.

The stories the media produces have real consequences. People read those stories and make decisions about whether to hire someone, whether to let someone go, what to buy, where to bank, whether they should have children, should they put the heating on at night.

I’m not saying any of the predictions about the collapse of civilisation and WWIV are wrong – I’ve got an English degree, what do I know?  But I do wish that the media had a greater sense of responsibility when it comes to fuelling moral panics. Words don’t exist in a vacuum after all.

Why do you do these things to me?

For some reason, it's been a bumper morning for PR nonsense. Is there a full moon? Or are these people just DUMB? 

This morning, I needed to find a contact for an analyst firm in the UK. The website has a generic email address for PR enquiries, but no name or phone number. I'm on a deadline, so I want to speak to someone and know the enquiry is being dealt with, rather than sending an email into the unknown abyss. Not having a press contact on your website? Dumb. 

Next, I do a search of my emails for the analyst firm's name. I turn up two press releases sent in the last month - NO PHONE NUMBER on either press release. Seriously, a major UK PR agency issued a press release without a phone number. That is also dumb.

I find another email from one of the PR execs concerned, this time it has a number. She's on voicemail. Go back to my inbox, search again. Second PR exec on the account also on voicemail. And the third. There's no option to press zero to get reception. So I have to Google the agency name, ring the front desk and ask to be put through to someone on the account. I get put through to the first girl, who is still on voicemail. I decide to give up on that analyst firm.

I phone the press officer in-house at another analyst firm, to find he's on holiday but his voicemail at least says if I have an urgent press enquiry, press 0 now and ask for a colleague. I press 0 and get through to the receptionist who tells me there is nobody else in the UK or even Europe handling press enquiries, and I need to call the US. This is dumb because the US HQ is on West Coast time, so there won't be anybody taking calls until at least 5pm my time. What's even dumber is the receptionist doesn't know the name or number of the US press office, and suggests I look on the website for the generic office number. Gah.

So, if you're hoping journalists will actually, you know, interview your client, here's some tips:

• Have a phone number on the press release. Every time.
• Have a direct contact on the website, not a generic email with no name attached.
• Answer your phone.
• If you can't answer your phone, divert it to a colleague's phone.
• Don't have everyone on an account leave the office at the same time.
• If everyone leaves, divert someone's phone to a mobile.
• If everyone leaves or is in a meeting, let the receptionist know what's going on and when you'll be back.

That'd be great. Thanks.

Peaches. Is there anyone more annoying?

Tipped off by a fellow hack on Journobiz, I spent an hour of my life last night watching Peaches Geldof become a magazine editor. Holy Christ, I think I've just seen the only person on the planet more annoying than David Blaine. And I don't say that lightly.

When she wasn't telling her team of writers that they weren't allowed to contact any agents or managers without her consent, Peaches was busy ripping apart their foolish ideas of wanting her magazine to be commercially viable (cos, like, her vision was for it to be, like, totally underground and niche, yeah).

Unsurprisingly, the ad team didn't sell any ads, Peaches hated all the copy and told everyone that AS A WRITER she, like, expected everyone to be brilliant and funny but also inaccessible and underground. And also - crucially - they must agree that the Kooks are f*cking sh*t, okay?

I think my favourite moment was when she spent 10 minutes in a meeting telling a writer that he had lovely deep blue eyes and an Abercrombie bod, but he wasn't cut out to be, like, a writer. Because she, AS A WRITER, knows what it takes and he, like, doesn't have IT. So she made him the "office monkey", a job that apparently involves "dressing him up as a baby and sending him out in drag, and stuff". Then she went on a 6 day press trip to a music festival.

With leadership skills like this, it can only be a matter of time before a newspaper snaps the girl up.

Get your shop-soiled journalists here...

Ever fancied owning your very own technology journalist?

Here's your chance. Peter Kirwan and TWL are flogging journalists on eBay as part of the Flackenhack Awards. I think strictly speaking you're bidding on the chance to drag the journalist to the ceremony, but I'm sure there's some wiggle room in there.

At the moment, Martin Veitch is leading the pack, closely followed by Phil Muncaster. Rupert Goodwins only has one bid, which looks sad until you realise NOBODY has bid on Mark Samuels, Andy McCue, Bryan Glick or Michael Dempsey. Madness - I've worked with Mark, Andy and Bryan and they're thoroughly lovely chaps and so long as you don't mind the endless rabbitting about football, they're all charming company.

Half the proceeds of the auctions go to Byte Night, so I urge you all to go forth with your company credit cards and make a bid!

One question chaps: where are the impoverished freelancers on your auction list? Don't you know there's a recession on? Are we to buy our own tickets? (Not that I'm attending, but I feel there's a point of principle to be made).

How journalist types can survive a recession.

Last night, I got a call from someone calling themselves "Phil". After a few minutes, I worked out it was "Phil the Decorator", last seen 14 months ago when I asked him to quote for repainting my house. He came round, wrote things in his notebook and promptly disappeared, never to be seen again - until now. Like rats on a sinking ship, it's when you see the tradesmen coming out of the woodwork that you know the recession has truly kicked in.

With that in mind, I thought I'd put together some of my top tips on surviving a recession if you're a journalist. I've freelanced through a recession in the high-tech sector back in 99/01, when the dot-com bubble collapsed, so I figure I can offer some tips to those of you who haven't been there before:

1. Write about something boring. If a commissioning editor wants an in-depth report on spa resorts in Thailand, chances are they're not going to struggle to find the right person. Same goes for all those sex/relationships/parenting features. But if an editor wants to commission an article about measuring the return on investment from a corporate technology project, the options are slightly fewer. Having a niche gives you the opportunity to be one of a small number of people editors think of when they're covering a particular topic, rather than being one of literally hundreds of writers competing for the same job.

2. Write about more than one boring thing. Relying on one sector or industry for all your work is fine when times are good, but in a recession? It's dumb. Try to cultivate three or four niches that you know pretty well - for me, it's HR, the public sector, technology and charities. That way, when ads dry up and pagination falls, you haven't put all your eggs in one basket.

3. Don't get a job. It might seem safer, but it's a major way to put all your eggs in one basket, especially if you're taking a journalism job. And those good redundancy packages don't kick in until you've worked somewhere for a year or two.

4. Become CEO of the Brand That is You: Yeah, it sounds like bullsh*t, I know, but in a slow economy, very few journalists can rely on work finding them.  Make sure you're listed in the usual directories (Gorkana, Cision, Journalism.co.uk) but also put yourself about on LinkedIn, Facebook and Twitter. Make a point of going to industry events, using online email lists and forums. Make sure people know who you are, what you do, and you're more likely to get recommended when someone is asked, "Hey, do you know anyone who could write about X?"

5. Make Friends with The Man: When magazines and newspapers are small and shrinking, that doesn't mean there's no writing to be done. Major corporations still need websites, brochures, customer magazines, business newsletters and the like written. If you're new to copywriting, try approaching web design agencies to see if they're looking for copywriters on websites they might be building. If it's a small agency, rates will probably be low, but it's a chance to build up a good portfolio.

6. Diversify: As a journalist, you can write and that means you can produce news stories or features. But consider what other skills you might have, and how you can use them to make money. Could you do reporting or subbing shifts on a newspaper or newswire (you can always do an NUJ course to brush up your subbing skills if necessary)? Could you offer media training to companies within a specific sector? Charities and small businesses often hire journalists as part-time press officers, while universities often use journalists to deliver training courses to media and PR students.

Did I miss anything?

More Twitter etiquette nonsense

Ooh, now there's even more reason to get your Twitter knickers in a twist here - Qwitter tells you the very moment someone stops following you, with a copy of the update that *may* have caused your cyber-follower to lose interest in you. Genius.

Thanks Charles for flagging it up (although I hadn't realised I'm following Charles but he isn't following me. B@stard.)

Actually, I think the comedy potential of this app is almost limitless. Imagine those smug Twitter users realising that 10 people unsubscribe every time they post about being in a first class airline lounge somewhere hot and sunny. Or those nerds who post about their breakfast realising that - actually - nobody gives a stuff if you had Weetabix or Coco Pops.

Marvellous.

Twitter irony, or what?

I was looking at Twitter this evening, and saw this post from Sam Sethi about how he's unfollowing loads of people on Twitter because something called Twitter Karma told him to (in Twitter speak, 'following' means reading someone's updates on Twitter).

Investigating a bit further, I discovered there's an online app called Twitter Karma that shows all your Twitter contacts with little arrows next to each user - a green arrow means you follow them; a red arrow means they follow you back. In a good karma world, apparently, the people you follow should follow you back.

Looking at my own Twitter contacts, I notice there are only four people I follow who don't follow me back. Two of those are entities that primarily use Twitter as a broadcast medium - Profnet and Haro in the US. The third is super web guru Steve Rubel. And the fourth person I follow who doesn't follow back? Sam Sethi. Seriously, how ironic is that??

Sam says by 'sadly' unfollowing people he hopes they'll get the hint and start following him, in which case he'll resume following them.

Makes no sense whatsoever to me.

I follow people on Twitter on the basis that I find what they post interesting and relevant to me. It doesn't necessarily follow that what I say will be equally interesting and relevant to them. So, let's imagine I'm following someone interesting, but they're not interested in me - do they then become LESS interesting as a consequence? Should I only be listening to people to listen to me?

Seems a bit random. Sam is a renowned community builder, but this approach just isn't community-minded. It's Sam imposing his view of what he thinks Twitter ought to be (a community dialogue with two-way discussion) on other people, who might have their own views of what Twitter is useful for. 

Or am I missing something?

How PR types can survive a recession

Absolutely fantastic post from Wadds here on how to keep your business thriving during an economic downturn, pulling together advice from others and some of his own insight. Well worth a read.

The world's gone mad

Bit of an irritating morning.

I forgot to pay my Amex bill this month, so the payment was a week late. Rather than taking the boring, predictable approach of applying a late fee, American Express cancelled my card, added on a £575 "administration" fee and referred my account to a debt collection agency, which sent me a letter this morning saying they know I own my own home, so they're going to have me made bankrupt unless I pay off my card and the admin fee RIGHT NOW, okay?

Still, my day got so much brighter when I saw what I think is my FAVOURITE ever media request:

Name: XXX
What's your query?  Christmas stories, new years stories, tragic, happy, children

Never has so much been said in so few words.