Getting Ink

Did my invite get lost in the post?

Must admit, I don't often go to industry parties, but I always get invited to loads around this time of year.

Back in my staffer days, parties seemed to kick in around November 20th and the next four weeks would be a round of Claridges,Cafe de Paris and Sugar Reef, with some private members' clubs thrown in for good measure. There was never much work to do, but it didn't seem to matter as most of us spent the month in a drunken haze, having ill-advised liaisons with colleagues and assorted PR types. PR parties gave me my first experience of the Gimlet, and introduced me to the joys of the Cheshire Cheese.

This year, two solitary invites: the Bill Moores party (now run by Sourcewire) and Skype.

What gives? Are my invites lost in the post? Did I eat too much garlic? Or are we facing a Christmas without free USB sticks and a few too many glasses of house red because of the wretched credit crunch?

How PR types can survive a recession

Absolutely fantastic post from Wadds here on how to keep your business thriving during an economic downturn, pulling together advice from others and some of his own insight. Well worth a read.

The world's gone mad

Bit of an irritating morning.

I forgot to pay my Amex bill this month, so the payment was a week late. Rather than taking the boring, predictable approach of applying a late fee, American Express cancelled my card, added on a £575 "administration" fee and referred my account to a debt collection agency, which sent me a letter this morning saying they know I own my own home, so they're going to have me made bankrupt unless I pay off my card and the admin fee RIGHT NOW, okay?

Still, my day got so much brighter when I saw what I think is my FAVOURITE ever media request:

Name: XXX
What's your query?  Christmas stories, new years stories, tragic, happy, children

Never has so much been said in so few words.

Weirdo Control Freaks

Apparently, the old world of PR is "dead" and PR agencies have long since substituted mail shots with "dialogue" and "relationship building". Hmmm.

So how do explain this conversation, which I had with a PR exec this morning?

PR: I'm glad you're including the survey findings in the feature. Will my client get a credit?
Me: Well, we'll mention the fact they produced the survey, and actually since this mag includes web links in the commission, we'll probably post a link to the website, too.
PR: That's great. [Pause] Do you mind if I ask what sort of credit the client will get?
Me: Erm. Well, I was thinking it would say something like '45% of HR directors say X, according to a survey conducted by Y' but I haven't written it up yet, so...
PR: Oh, great, well, would it be helpful if we sent over some wording for the credit since you haven't written it yet?
Me: Wow, that's, erm, kind. But no, I don't think so.
PR: Okay, well if you prefer you could send over the copy for the client to clear, and also maybe we could check the quotes and just get the company to sign off on those?
Me: Sure. Let me get back to you on that one, okay?

Seriously PR, people, this sort of conduct does not earn you any credibility points. It does not make journalists think, "Wow, what a hard-ass, I won't mess with them in a hurry!" or even "Gosh, I'd better be super-careful when quoting that agency's clients."

No. You sound like Weirdo Control Freaks From Another Planet, and as a rule I try not have any more contact with that sort than is strictly necessary. Oh, and I still used the survey but dropped the credit. My bad.   

All I want for Christmas is...

This t-shirt.

Also, clients suck

As mentioned in a recent post, I've been doing some PR work for a company in the last couple of months.

Except, it turns out I don't think I'm cut out for PR. Not only are journalists obnoxious, it now turns out I have to deal with...The Client.

Actually, the problem isn't the client, it's a manager who works for the client, and has produced some copy for the company's online magazine. The copy is a little bit dodgy. Lots of long words, complex sentences and pointless sentences that incorporate semi-colons (apparently, "they're a tease to excite the reader")

So the copy needed a bit of editing, which I did. I ran the copy past the client, then posted it on the site. Big mistake. The manager goes ballistic, accuses me of "misrepresenting" him, his products and his team, and insists it's taken down. So I re-edit the copy, this time trying to keep it closer to his original, and really just correcting the out and out mistakes - sentences with no verbs, paragraphs containing three different tenses, ampersands, abbreviations. Copy gets posted again. Manager goes ballistic again.

The third time I edit the copy I find myself using The Tool of the Devil (aka Microsoft track changes) to highlight the changes I'm making to his copy and why. I ask him to accept the changes, then I can post the copy on the website page that was meant to go live a month ago.

He sends it back, with half of his mistakes re-inserted and asks me not to make any further changes because otherwise the copy won't be "authentic to his voice". Gah.

So here's a question for experienced editors and public relations professionals: at which point am I allowed to just go round and just put a custard pie in his face?   

The seedy under-belly

I'm so excited to find there's a world of scandal and saucery going on that I'd missed completely (obviously) between hacks and flacks. A journalist posted last night on a forum I use complaining about a PR who had attempted to contact her for instant message sex. Meanwhile, a PR colleague tells me that a certain veteran journalist decided to send her some, er, artistic self-portraits from his mobile phone.

Truly, the mind boggles.

Of course, in my day we just got drunk in bars and had inappropriate liaisons - although I remember at my first performance review being told that snogging PR boys at parties was not allowed, as it would compromise my journalistic integrity. So I hooked up with my editor, instead.

Some nice things about PR

After last week's post caused such ructions, I feel a bit bad for being mean about journalists. Most of us, after all, are almost socially acceptable people.

Thinking about my shiny new PR client, too, it occurs to me that being a PR isn't all bad. Three of my favourite things about being a PR:

- I get paid to buy and read glossy magazines
- I get to spend someone else's money and call it "expenses" (hacks lose those back in the 90s)
- I get paid a day rate, on time. Result!

Still not sure I could do it full-time, but I  am definitely glad to have had the experience.  Anyone fancy a job swap and being a journo for a week?

Does your release make the grade?

I discovered this nifty site this morning - the Hubspot Press Release Grader.

Basically, you copy/paste in your press release text and the site will assess its likely effectiveness based on whether it contains basic information such as a website, email link and About Us section, plus look for internal links and SEO optimisation. My favourite part? The box that gives your release a Gobbledygook check, identifying words that are over-used and lack meaning.

I'm sure there are all kinds of reasons why this wouldn't work, but I like the fact that this tool gives a quick sanity check of whether your sentences are short and readable, whether you've included web and email links, and whether a release is too short or long. I checked out the first five releases in my inbox this morning and here's how Hubspot ranked them:

Apprentice Candidates Show How Not to Handle an Interview: Apparently comprehensible to a second year under-grad (how specific is that??) and has zero Gobbledygook words. It's 80 percent.

Work Services Wins Barclays National Furniture Contract: No Gobbledygook but requires graduate education again. 78 percent.

DEFRA Awarded Mark of Excellence: Only 56 percent. The main link is 94 percent of the way through the release, it seems, and there's no valid email address. Oops.

Online retailers offered groundbreaking competitive analysis: Just 31 percent - apparently this one lacks  links, has 3 Gobbledygook words AND requires a graduate reading level to understand it. 

Present To Win Workshops: Oh dear, 2 Gobbledygook words, too short, no links and requires graduate level education to understand the release. Hubspot gives this release a dismal 0 percent.

10 Reasons Journalists Think PR is Crap

Browsing through Twitter updates this morning, I notice that the lovely Stephen Davies thinks that bloggers cynically slate PR execs simply to drive up traffic. This is, apparently, A Bad Thing.

I'm not sure it's true. My highest ranking posts are generally:

1. Proofreading tests and grammar tests. Everyone loves a quiz.
2. Advice on press releases and pitching techniques
3. Gossip

That said, I do get a bit bored myself of the whole "die, press release" or "die PR" or "print is dead" headlines. Seriously, does anyone believe those stupid pronouncements from on high any more?

Anyway, in the interests of the scientific method - although my scientist chap tells me I have no grasp of such matters as a graduate of a "pretend" subject - I've come up with the most cynically PR-hating headline I can on a lovely sunny morning. So let's see how many of my lovely readers click through to read this one, shall we? Results next week.